~ True Tantra Includes Everything,
Leaving Nothing Out ~
The first thing I would highlight, from where I’m coming from, is that Tantra is an irresistible calling to Truth, and is not, as many people imagine, a spiritual practice of sexuality - it INCLUDES sexuality - both the sacred & the profane (because Tantra leaves nothing out), & our sexuality is a huge part of who we are; AND where we are most conditioned.
Our sexual energy is not merely confined to our genitalia. It encompasses so much more than friction-based, peak-seeking, penetrative sex. The whole of existence is making love to itself, just so we can take the next breath. Because most of humanity has been deeply wounded / traumatised / retarded in our sexuality through religious dogma & social shaming, Tantric practices may initially focus on healing these wounds. So, the healing & maturing of our sexuality/nervous systems is an important phase of self-discovery. Once more whole/free/responsible in our sexuality, we can begin to explore advanced Tantra meditations & practices. In my view, doing so before the nervous system has reached a level of adult maturity is dangerous and reckless.'
'An advanced LOVER OF TRUTH begins to explore how sexuality is a GATEWAY to the sacred, the divine - to SOURCE, to Totality. As pure awareness embodied, humans are a mystical dualism of all that is - the manifest & the un-manifest, of form/matter & spirit. To experience this alchemical fusion consciously is to have a direct, embodied experience of our Truth. And direct experience is not a concept, it's not understood through mind. It is beyond mind, beyond words, beyond any limitation whatsoever. Only when we let go of mind control, of identification, & open to the unknown, can we experience infinite orgasm. Many never have an orgasm throughout their entire lives - particularly women - it’s simply not safe enough (or doesn’t feel safe enough) to really let go & surrender. Even men who ejaculate often don’t experience the heights & depths of orgasm - just an orgasmic sneeze - a peak experience that lasts no more than a few seconds. Nonetheless, orgasm - no matter how quick - can be a brief experience of the divine - hence the ‘oh god’ expression when orgasming. The French call it ‘le petit mort’ or the little death - the death of the small self, dissolving into the greater self, into the cosmos, into totality. If that window of orgasm is extended, then the experience of merging with source can be prolonged. Hence the focus on sex as meditation - & extending from peak/genital orgasm to full body, valley orgasm, wave upon wave, into timelessness & infinite time space. From some-body to no-body. From some-thing to no-thing.
Tantra is Truth. Tantra includes everything: the dark, the light, the shadow. It’s not selective & it’s often a very challenging, difficult path as Tantrikas consciously embody everything - our deepest fears, ugliest shadows, erotica & sexual fantasies (which are concepts of mind), naked vulnerability, as well as our capacity for ecstasy (which many people can’t allow themselves to feel). In other words, we get it all - no spiritual bypassing, no sugar on shit, no lipstick on the bulldog: as our capacity to feel and empty out deepens, we’re able to be the safe space for the deepest despair & the most soaring bliss & everything in-between. It's the greatest show on earth.'
'My question is, what’s your interest? If it’s Truth, it’s an endless calling, an infinite deepening into Truth that never ends. It isn’t about becoming proficient in Tantric techniques, a checklist or a reading list, or a certain number of retreats. And it cannot be encompassed with the mind - perhaps post rationalised in a limited way, but that is not It.'
I love how the great Tantric Master, Osho, put it:
"If you are too technique oriented you will miss the mystery of Tantra. It is pseudo-Tantra based on techniques because if techniques are there, ego will be there, controlling. Then you will be doing it – and doing is the problem, doing brings the doer. Tantra has to be a non-doing; it cannot be technical. You can learn techniques – you can learn a certain breathing so that coitus can become longer. If you breathe very, very slowly, if you breathe without any hurry, then coitus will become longer, but you are controlling. It will not be wild and it will not be innocent, and it will not be meditation either. It will be mind – how can it be meditation? The mind will be controlling. You cannot even breathe fast, you have to keep your breathing slow – if the breathing is slow then ejaculation will take a longer time, because for ejaculation to happen the breathing has to be fast and chaotic. Now, this is technique but not Tantra.
Tantra is not technique but prayer. Is not head oriented but a relaxation into the heart.
Please remember it. Many books have been written on Tantra, they all talk about technique but the real Tantra has nothing to do with technique. Real Tantra cannot be written about, the real Tantra has to be imbibed. How to imbibe real Tantra?
Pray with your lover, sing with your lover, play with your lover, dance with your lover, with no idea of sex. Don't go on thinking, 'When are we going to bed?' Forget about it. Do something else and get lost into it. And some day love will arise out of that being lost, suddenly you will see that you are making love and you are not making it. It is happening, you are possessed by it.
Then you have your first Tantra experience – possessed by something bigger than you. You were dancing or you were singing together or you were chanting together or you were praying together or meditating together, and suddenly you find you both have moved into a new space. And you don't know when you have started making love; you don't remember either.
Then you are being possessed by Tantra energy. And then for the first time you will encounter a non-technical experience."
'I call this living as heart-centred, pure presence making love to the moment as the beloved every second of every day. We are being danced, sung, loved - we are not doing it - we are simply open, willing channels allowing life to live and love through this expression of totality.'
'If your calling is Truth, I suggest finding 1 or 2 INVITATIONS TO TRUTH (teachers) & sticking with them for some time - through the liking & the not liking, through interest & boredom, through the pain & delight. So often we treat Truth like a smorgasbord of goodies to be tasted, while avoiding the depths.'
Again, to quote Osho:
"A lie is sweet in the beginning, and bitter in the end.
Truth is bitter in the beginning, and sweet in the end."
'Only you can feel into who resonates with you & who doesn’t - beginning to trust your bodily inner compass is an important part of going inwards to find have your questions answered, and your answers questioned! You will never find Truth if you think somebody or something will give you The Answer. It's a process, organic, iterative, spinning in spirals, not linear, & it's all within you. Teachers & practices are resonant or discordant invitations to discovering your relative Truth & absolute Truth - only you can discover this within yourself. Some powerful teachers - living embodiments of Truth - can transmit this intelligence directly to your body if your body feels safe enough, & trusts enough, to receive it - again, follow your body (rather than the over protective ego mind).'
'My gift is in supporting men & women who've been somewhat or severely traumatised - sexually, emotionally, physically, mentally. I work particularly deeply with healing & maturing the nervous system (both within the person, but also within their entire ancestral lineage), in bringing integration & wholeness to extreme polarities, & to embodying the sacred union of masculine & feminine. I have worked through my own demons & angels, & become a clear service channel within which to hold space for others.'
'Ultimately, in Tantra everything is meditation,
which alchemises into the deepest love making with existence.'
"My time with Kali has changed my life. And my ongoing friendship and learning with her continues to do so. As I deepen my own spiritual inquiry, I notice there are fewer and fewer people and places where I truly feel met. Each time I am in Kali’s presence, be it in the delight of her retreat space, Santa Fe Soul Sanctuary, or online, I am deeply met. Even this simple connection I find transformative, clearing away my inner clutter and old stories to remember who I really am. Because Kali really knows who she is, and then endlessly, generously, reflects that back.
Few people I know have, with such brave perseverance, sat with and pierced their suffering the way Kali has, and from this flows her powerful compassion and understanding, helping me gain deep insight into my own trauma patterns, empowering me to further release them. No matter how wild or dark or out there my stuff is, Kali can take it. She’s already been there. And whilst she holds impeccable non-judgmental safe space, her core passion for truth is a fire that cuts through both personal and global illusions/delusions that cause so much harm.
There was a delicious ease with which Kali and I would drop into deep space, and over several days I soaked up her wisdom, always offered with humour, until I noticed she was stringing together my own points of hard-won truth into a coherent galaxy of wholeness that affirms and liberates me. But there is no grandstanding. She conceals none of her human frailty, and therefore the teacher effortlessly becomes a friend, and a healthy, healing intimacy grows because her boundaries as a practitioner are clear and maintained.
Kali’s generosity and love, her wisdom and humility, combined with her profound sense of purpose and service to Truth, create a space I would recommend to anyone who is longing for more clarity, wholeness and depth."
~ Jason Courtis ~
Tantric Practitioner (California)