In my lifetime, I have HEALED both the physical/somatic dis-ease of ENDOMETRIOSIS, and the psycho/somatic dis-ease of BI-POLAR DISORDER - both considered chronic, degenerative and incurable by the medical profession (which I still respect despite its limitations).
Over the past 7 years, even before COVID, I have been plagued with severe CHEST INFECTIONS - one lasting as long as 9 months! I underwent every test imaginable - blood tests, X-Rays, sputum tests - and apart from discovering I had hyper-inflated lungs, the doctors could not fathom why I was drowning in phlegm, coughing interminably, and finding it hard to breathe, especially at night. I am not a smoker, I exercise regularly, and I live in a rural area with plentiful fresh air. So WTF?
Clearly, reality was asking me to go deeper. When finally I was brought to my knees in utter despair - exhausted both physically and mentally - I received this message from within: ‘The lungs are the repositories of grief, and you are being asked to grieve on 3 distinct levels: collectively, ancestrally, and individually. Your task is to discover what this grief is about; then be the patient and compassionate space for it; feel and process it fully; and bring it to peace. Until you do this, your lungs will remain congested. But once you complete your mission, your lungs will spread out and open wide, like the wings of a giant eagle, your heart will have infinitely more capacity to feel, and you will become a beacon of light for those who need to undertake their own journey of grieving and healing.’
After receiving this message from my body, I got really still, and very quiet. For weeks I paused my work and lay patiently on my couch, looking out across the expansive farmlands and mountains of the Klein Karoo, listening. Eventually, the sources of dis-ease felt safe enough to speak:
On the collective level, I heard the EARTH say, in an anguished whisper, ‘I cannot breathe! I am suffocating. Too many trees are being felled, too much pollution is being poured into my rivers, oceans and atmosphere. I can no longer regenerate myself. I am choking.’ Even as I write this, tears flow, and I’m wracked with sobs. The felt sense of our precious mother dying because of our ignorance and greed fills me with unimaginable grief. Will I ever be able to bring this grief to peace? Certainly not on my own, and maybe not in my lifetime! However, I know now for sure, my work has an increased urgency, because the more women feel collectively, the more we will bring about the change needed to stop the madness of our own genocide, and the total ecocide of our precious planet along with us. Women have the power to reverse the damage, if only we knew and believed it!
On an ancestral level, the message was unexpected: ‘In this incarnation, with these particular ancestral lineages, it’s important you recognise that ALL your ancestors have been the INDENTURED UNDERCLASS. Not for you the high priestesses presiding in sacred temples, or wealthy, powerful queens ruling over exotic lands. Your people have always been slaves or serfs. Right back in time to when they were Druidic and Khoi medicine people. After those peaceful, gentle times millennia ago, your ancestors were violently dominated and forced into hard labour. Their magic was punished and suppressed, and they have been denied agency ever since.This is a lot to grieve, but it must be fully felt and processed seven generations back, and seven generations forwards.’ I was both shocked and not shocked - something deep inside me intuited I had never come from wealth or influence in this incarnation. I have always had compassion for the underdog, the underprivileged and the ‘invisible people.’ Now I know why. There was a lot to feel here too!
On an individual level, the message was related to the ancestral: it’s about grieving all the times I’ve unconsciously allowed myself to be the PEOPLE PLEASER, fawning for acceptance and love, particularly in my intimate relationships. It’s been extremely painful to revisit all the occasions - overtly and subtly - where I’ve unconsciously abandoned myself in favour of ephemeral approbation. Then noticing how this existential strategy never had the desired effect - as in no exception! In fact, it always brought a tinge of further self-loathing and self-doubt instead. Part of my healing journey on an individual level has been to find my voice in all situations, and with all people, and assert healthy boundaries. Eish! A hell’va lot to feel here too.
“May the ocean of our tears soften the stone of our hearts.
May we break all the way to beautiful.”
~ Jaya John
Many months later, I am slowly ascending out of the underworld and back into the light of Spring. Like a fiery PHOENIX, my erotic, creative life-force energy is rising, and I feel 2025 will be a year of taking flight.
The purpose of this blog is not to talk about myself so much as to inspire, and affirm that YOU TOO CAN HEAL YOURSELF FULLY, no matter what you are suffering from, or what you are afflicted with. Having visited the deepest depths of illness, despair and depression numerous times, and having found my way out of the darkness and back into the light of rebirth, I am a living testimony to this reality. Our BODY WISDOM is immaculate. She knows! We simply have to slow the fuck down, listen and feel all the feels. It takes conscious embodiment, a strong commitment, courage, and profound trust. Men can heal through somatic embodiment too, but in my experience, it’s a lot tougher for them, because they have to learn to FEEL FIRST - but it’s possible with willingness.
Having some wise guidance is not essential, but it sure helps. I’ve been fortunate to have many sage teachers along my journey into greater capacity and expansion, and I am available to perform the same function of support for you too.
*Bessel van der Kolk
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